✋🏼 aykırı ihtimal
inatlaşabilir şehir benimle ama, sakın, siz değil,
imkansız bir ad koymuştum size, hatırlayın lütfen,
ispatlanabilir şeyler vardır, bu onlardan biri değil,
inanmadım size ve hiç beğenmedim zaten
o eğri tavrınızı kalbe karşı,
o ana dair yanılsamalarınızı,
o kabalığınızı düne karşı,
o manasız hırçınlığınızı.
denemediğimi iddia etmeyeceğim ve istemediğimi, kıpkırmızı bayraklar giyinmiş olsanız da gülümseyip geçemeyeceğimi fark edene kadar geçen sürede olup biteni. ama olsun! siz benim aykırı ihtimalimsiniz, şimdi kontra-yalnızlığım.
the city may get stubborn with me, but beware, not you,
I gave you an impossible name, please remember,
there are things that can be proven, this is not one of them,
I didn't believe you and I never fancied
your crooked attitude towards the heart,
your illusions about that moment,
your rudeness towards yesterday,
your meaningless temper.
I won’t claim that I didn’t try and want it, what happened in the time it took until I realised that I couldn't smile and move on when you were dressed in red flags. but that’s okay! you are my contrary odds, now my counter-loneliness.
July 16, 2024 13:49
📸 My GX9
Current camera
- Body · Panasonic Lumix GX9
- Lens · Panasonic Lumix 12 - 32mm
- Flash · Godox TT350 w/ Godox X3
- Wishlist · Panasonic Leica 15mm f/1.7
- Backup · Fujifilm X-T2 w/ 23mm f/2
Gear history
- Fujifilm X-E2 (2015 - 2016)
- Fujifilm X-T1 (2016 - 2017)
- Fujifilm X-Pro2 (2016 - 2017)
- Fujifilm X70 (2016 - 2023)
- Fujifilm X100F (2017 - 2022)
- Sony RX100 V (2017 - 2022)
- Sony RX0 (2018 - 2021)
- Fujifilm X100V (2022 - 2023)
- Ricoh GR IIIx (2023 - 2024)
After many years of using Fujifilm cameras, I wanted to try something new this time.
My current personal setup isn’t smaller than the X100F/V/VI (even though I take a hit on sensor size and resolution) but I find it to be much more versatile and reliable to use.
My lens isn’t the greatest (it’s a kit lens after all) but comparing the pictures with my X100F/V files, the sharpness and the rendering quality are on a similar level (especially above f/5.6). I’m pretty sure some lab results would prove me wrong but I don’t care about those things.
The Panasonic’s button and dial layout makes a lot of sense and is very easy to operate. I never liked touch interfaces on cameras until I met this one: it’s actually useable, useful, and responsive, especially for a camera that was released in 2018.
The tilting viewfinder of this camera is fun but also atrocious; it’s very small and hard to see (forget about manual focusing, really) even though I have the eyes of a hawk. Thankfully, the LCD has been bright enough in these awful summer days so far. Having used the X70 for many years, I’m used to utilising the LCD anyway.
The camera is slightly slower to launch than the X100F/V, which annoys the hell out of me but I manage.
I really love that these M43 cameras’ sensors are 4:3, as I always crop to 4x5. It makes framing for post-production much, much easier.
Lastly, I hate my X-T2 setup and I only keep it as a spare. It was cheap to put together, so I don’t mind.
July 15, 2024 23:11
🦀 sadece temmuz’dan bahsedebilirim
bunları söylemeye birçok kelimeyle, bir çırpıda başladım. utançsa çok sonra yayıldı tüm basıncıyla kafatasıma. oradaydı — kaçınılmaz ve sağlamasız bir açmazdı uzay.
hala hasta ve ısrarla yaz bir günortasında, çırpındım doğduğum saatlerin yıldızsız tesadüflerine doğru — çünkü ne yüzebilirim, ne nefes alabilirim rüyalarımda.
sizi uykuya göndermeden önceki son mesajıma bakıyorum şimdi — sırf bunun için zamanda yolculuğu keşfedebilirim, her an bu dilden vazgeçebilirim, parçalayabilirim ekrana dokunan parmak izlerimi.
provasız konuşmayacağım ve içmeyeceğim artık — basbayağı seyrelteceğim kendimi, bir ipliğe sığana kadar adımlarım. gözlerimi şarkıların bass’larına sabitleyeceğim gülmeden önce.
bir lens, yeni dövmeler, bir sergi, yaşımın dengi anlamlar, bir fotoğraf, bu peşinden koştuğum son versiyonum olacak — hazırım, yapabilirim; üzgünüm, sadece temmuz’dan bahsedebilirim.
I started saying these in many words, all at once. the shame spread to my skull much later with all its pressure. there it was — space, an inevitable and unprovable impasse.
still ill and in the middle of a day that is insistently summer, I struggled towards the starless coincidences of the hours of my birth — because I can neither swim nor breathe in my dreams.
now I'm looking at my last message before I sent you to sleep — just for this, I can discover time travel, I can give up this language at any moment, I can shred my fingerprints touching the screen.
I will not speak without rehearsal and I will not drink anymore — I will simply dilute myself until my steps fit on a thread. I will fix my eyes on the bass of the songs before laughing.
a lens, new tattoos, an exhibition, meanings equal to my age, a photograph, this will be the last version of me that I pursue — I'm ready, I can do it; I'm sorry, I can only talk about july.
July 15, 2024 15:31
👦🏻 Tastefully
Misery so tasteful that it's automatically art, can you imagine that?
But that's not the truth, far from it. I spent the past year creating zero things and now that I'm back in the stability zone, the regret is creeping in. And the embarrassment, a crippling one. There are "things" that I'm doing, sure, but they are not enough: I could've easily been doing much, much more. My sensible inner voice says: "You may be late, but do it. You've always been late, that never stopped you from doing." A year, a whole year that I spent pursuing temporary joys. In the end, I've achieved nothing. It's not all bleak though, I'm experienced enough to know that the best day to start is today, which is what I've done: I started something, tastefully introducing it into my present tense.
A jolt of chemicals is now telling me that it's finally over. Time to start over.
July 13, 2024 16:54